[Bretholomew]

Two Cimmerians, an Aquilonian and a Stygian were on a small ship when it ran afoul of some shallows. The captain told them that three of them would have to abandon the ship if it were to stay afloat enough to reach a nearby port.

The brave Cimmerians shouted "For Crom!" and lept into the waves.

The Aquilonian shouted "For Mitra!" and threw the Stygian overboard.

[Bossonian]

Originally Posted by Bretholomew Two Cimmerians, an Aquilonian and a Stygian were on a small ship when it ran afoul of some shallows. The captain told them that three of them would have to abandon the ship if it were to stay afloat enough to reach a nearby port. The brave Cimmerians shouted "For Crom!" and lept into the waves. The Aquilonian shouted "For Mitra!" and threw the Stygian overboard.

best one yet

[shanarahteudan]

Originally Posted by Gunderman best one yet

Still cant stop laughing... agreed the best one yet.

[Bretholomew]

An Aquilonian emissary to Stygia was honored by an invitation to witness a Stygian holy ritual.

As the worshipers bowed, knelt and prayed before a statue, the Aquilonian whispered to his Stygian guide, "Which god is that?"

The Stygian guide whispered in response, "It is the Goddess Derketo. She is a lesser Goddess, and we merely tolerate her presence. You would not be allowed to witness a Sermon of Set."

After a few more moments, the guide asked why an Aquilonian would be interested in Stygian gods.

"Oh, it's just idol curiosity."

[Zigkirby]

Originally Posted by Bretholomew An Aquilonian emissary to Stygia was honored by an invitation to witness a Stygian holy ritual. As the worshipers bowed, knelt and prayed before a statue, the Aquilonian whispered to his Stygian guide, "Which god is that?" The Stygian guide whispered in response, "It is the Goddess Derketo. She is a lesser Goddess, and we merely tolerate her presence. You would not be allowed to witness a Sermon of Set." After a few more moments, the guide asked why an Aquilonian would be interested in Stygian gods. "Oh, it's just idol curiosity."

That pun was bad and you should feel bad.

[Bretholomew]

Originally Posted by Zigkirby That pun was bad and you should feel bad.

The response made me laugh, though. I feel better about posting it now. (I'm reminded of Futurama for some reason... With the exception of two episodes, it always made me smile.)

[Narita]

A Stygian child walks up to his father and asks what it's like to be a Cimmerian. The father puts some blue war paint on the young boy's face and tell him to ask the other family members. So he does, he goes to his grandfather and says, "Grandpa, grandpa, look at me!" the grandfather looks down and promptly slaps the child. The child is a little confused and runs to his grandmother. "Grandma, grandma, look at me!". She quickly looks down and doesn't hesitate to slap the child either. Finally the child goes to his mother, "Mama, mama, look at me!" His mother too abruptly slaps the child. The Stygian child walks up to his father, when his father calmly asks, "What'd you learn?"

To which the child replies, "I've been Cimmerian for 5 minutes and I already hate Stygians."

[Cyberqat]

Originally Posted by Bretholomew A new Ceremonial Master was worried about his first sacrifice the next day. A fellow initiate suggested he have a little wine and women to relax him before the ceremony. The Ceremonial Master takes the advice to heart and goes to a tavern. However, he overdoes the wine and ends up hung-over with little memory of the previous night, but he proceeds to hold the sacrifice as planned. After the ordeal was over, the High Priest calls the Ceremonial Master to his quarters and congratulates him on his first sacrifice. He, however, also offers some advice on his next ceremony: Set is the Serpent God of Chaos and not that wacky and crazy snake. Do not refer to our dread Thulsa Doom as Skeletor. The Serpent Crown has two heads and not seven. Set has seven heads and not two. Do not refer to Atlantis and Lemuria as the old swimming hole. Kull slaughtered our Serpent Men. He did not "kick their asses". Recommended prayer before the sacrifice is never "Y'all ladies ready to hear Him sang? Uncle Set's about to do His thang." And one more thing: Never ever sleep with the sacrificial virgin.

*chuckle* a nice adaption of an old classic

And yes I've heard "The j-man, big daddy and the spook"

[Zigkirby]

Originally Posted by Narita A Stygian child walks up to his father and asks what it's like to be a Cimmerian. The father puts some blue war paint on the young boy's face and tell him to ask the other family members. So he does, he goes to his grandfather and says, "Grandpa, grandpa, look at me!" the grandfather looks down and promptly slaps the child. The child is a little confused and runs to his grandmother. "Grandma, grandma, look at me!". She quickly looks down and doesn't hesitate to slap the child either. Finally the child goes to his mother, "Mama, mama, look at me!" His mother too abruptly slaps the child. The Stygian child walks up to his father, when his father calmly asks, "What'd you learn?" To which the child replies, "I've been Cimmerian for 5 minutes and I already hate Stygians."

This is so true...

[Bretholomew]

((Narita is awesome! I have to say that, while I love playing the vindictive Stygian and playing the snobbish Aquilonian city-dweller, my favorites are the two Cimmerian rural folks -- and my Aquilonian rural guy, too. I guess it's rural over so-called "educated" that I really like.))

King Conan: King Numedides stood aloft on the steps of the castle in Taratia, where I took his head, signaling, by divine providence, that I, Conan, was to wear the crown of Aquilonia. That is why I'm your king.

Dennis: Listen. Pulling hats off of people is no basis for a government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate of the masses, not some farcical head-dropping display!

King Conan: Be quiet!

Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because an old man gave you a little head.

King Conan: Shut up!

Dennis: I mean: if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some old fart lost his noggin, they'd lock me away!