[NinjaClaw]

ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

NinjaClaw After getting up from laughing so hard,
*A High five to Grignette!*

[pmann]

now this is roleplaying.

[Heraclea]

What do the Khitai people put in their dope? I think I have a clue.

Now, in with the horselords, there's this shaman with an apprentice who does most of the talking for him. She wants me to get bitten by snakes so she can extract the venom from my blood. I'm told that if you want snake venom there are easier ways to get it than this, buuuut apparently that won't do.

Getting yourself bit by a snake is not that difficult. If it was just a matter of getting one snake bite, returning, and getting another it wouldn't be so bad. But no.... she wants you to come back with a full load of the stuff. I thought I had a fairly good constitution, but the hard part is getting enough into you while neither killing the snake too early nor getting killed yourself. And after this experience I did have that faraway sick feeling that wasn't too different from what the toadstools did.

Sigh. Heraclea should try this. She's bigger than me. Probably could handle it better.

And I am getting to suspect that the shaman's apprentice might be her type as well. Last time I asked, I think she was still mooning over Captain Avita. I tried to tell her that Avita's strictly all business and that she was digging a dry well there, but I doubt she even heard me.

Love sucks, don't it?

- Grignette

[Heraclea]

OK. Minor digression here. Heraclea's doomed romances.

Dorina the huntress.
Battlemaster Bronwyth.
Some chieftain's daughter, at a hunting lodge up in the mountains.
Kylikki.
Captain Avita.

I keep telling her to come to Khitai, where nobody gives a fig about much of anything, and she'd find somebody to take home. You know what they say about the lotus. It turns women into animals, and men into plants. That should be all she needs to know.

= Grignette

[Heraclea]

So I saw Turandot the other day, and she was bragging about some new magic stick she'd gotten.

Now, Turandot and I don't really get along much. She's from Khitai, at least originally. But she's kind of prissy and stuck on herself. And the only thing that's worse than being a victim of her fire magic is being a victim of her singing. She don't sing normal songs. Hers are all in some kind of demon language and go on and on and on for hours. You hear those stories about animals with legs caught in traps who gnaw the legs off to get free? Listen to Turandot sing, and you'll understand. I asked her what it was once, and she said "Puccini."

- "You mean that whole damn thing was about some kind of noodles?"

She gives me a funny look, and we didn't talk too much after that. Crom! even Twinkle O'Fili is easier to listen to than that, and she just uses her teats to distract from the actual performance. And Turandot doesn't even know to do that much.

So anyways I figured that checking out her new weapon might be a good way to patch things up.

So I went up to her, and saw that she'd gotten a big, heavy looking quarterstaff. Bronze shoes on either end, it looked like. I said, "Nice weapon."

"This," she says pompously, "is Jang Bong!"

- "I reckon that's from Khitai."

"You...uh.... reckon correctly. It is one of the Sacred Weapons of Hwanung!"

"So you got a sacred bong. Which end do you light?"

"What? You do not light this sacred staff. I claimed it as my reward, after defeating a mighty Khitan sorcerer I encountered in Stygia."

I can see trouble here. "You'd really trust a Khitan sorcerer who's in Stygia handing out bongs? Don't you see? He's not a great sorcerer at all. He's just another dealer, and he's trying to drag you down to his level and get you hooked."

"He was a mighty sorcerer! He summoned seven illusions of himself!"

- "Seven! I've been in situations where I started seeing double, but seven is a bit much. Must be a pretty good bong. I still can't figure out where the water goes, though..."

So I decide to take a better look at Turandot's new bong. Maybe these bronze shoes come up, and that's the part you put the water in and smoke. I can see one hole in it that might be used as the carburetor. I decide to see if the bronze parts screw off or how you detach them from the rest of the stick.

Turandot starts screeching and making menacing finger wagging noises at me, so I hand back her bong and leave. That didn't go well, but it went typical.

- Grignette

[Heraclea]

More about Turandot. She comes into the big hall, and she says, "I want you to listen to this. I joined the Yun Temple, and I made up a cheer for them. I'm going to go to Paikang and sing it for the high priest. This is how it goes:

Come,
join the Yun god!
He's the one god
For me.

Come,
join the Yun god!
We'll do ex-ti-spiss-i-teeeee!

Come,
Join the Yun god!
He's the fun god!
You'll see!"

in that screechy voice of hers.

I walk up to her and look her straight in the eye and say, "You go do that, honey. Go straight to Paikang and sing that to the high priest. He's gonna get a kick out of it."

- Grignette

[Heraclea]

Turandot, again.....


"You have lots of good schools up in Cimmeria? Isn't that right?"

- "Huh? We never set much store in book-lea....."

"You lie! I was in this place in Cimmeria. Place called Atzel Fort."

- "So?"

"The whole place is full of doctors and lawyers. Not the usual band of savages. Every other guy was like Physician This or Counselor That, some places in there."

- "You ask 'em where they got their degrees?"

"No, too busy setting people on fire. Did see on the wall, what looked like diploma. Did not read."

- "Well, that makes two of us."

"So you lie! You lie about schools in Cimmeria. You don't want people from Khitai coming in, taking all your spots, because Khitai is so smart and Cimmeria so stupid."

There are some conversations you just have to walk away from. This is another.

- Grignette

[Batyr]

ROFLCOPTER! Ahahaha

Did Atzel's last night, was wondering the same thing, for a band of bandits, they sure like their titles

My sides are hurting from laughter, your latest episode was the most fun read, keep 'em coming, Grignette!

*cheers on encouragingly*

(PS: Believe it or not, some of the quests you describe are informational, like how to do the snake quest correctly, get enough stacks or hits without killing the snake ... also who is the Hyrkanian NPC who gave you the big mother bear Ursa quest? I don't believe I've ever done it ... thanks!)

[Heraclea]

So they need my help again down in Gun Xiu. These are the weirdos in south Chosain, but I put up with them 'cause, like I said, they got the best food in the area.

The one dude, Lokesh, he's on something different, at any rate. Betel nuts and some kind of leaves he chews. Talks real fast. Anyways, he says that four of their mercs have gone missing, and I'm supposed to find them. Easy enough.

Turns out that all of these mercs have more or less treed themselves on one butte or another and won't come down. Every one of them tells the same story. "I need 'tea'. Without my 'tea' I can't think straight or figure out what I'm doing any more." D'ya think, that if it wasn't for the damn "tea" you wouldn't be up here on a ledge you can't figure out how to get down from? What a sorry-assed bunch these are. So I don't have a choice but to fetch these four morons some "tea" from a garden in Shaulun.

I hang my head in shame. Should have left them to rot.

- Grignette

[Jarmun]

((Falls off chair after reading about the heavenly bong.))